“Then I met Jesus, and the process of falling out of love with the guitar started.”I started playing guitar when I was 15. I was at my friend’s house to hang—play video games, goof around, whatever. His older brother was home, hanging out in his room in the basement, so we decided to go play video games with him. It was there I saw it: a Gibson Nighthawk guitar. Black. Fancy looking. Just cool. I asked if he could really play it. So, Doug, who later became one of my best buddies for many years, band mates and stood in my wedding, plugged the guitar into a Fender amp of some sort and started playing. The question was answered without him saying a word: Yes, I can really play. He doodled on some Metallica stuff, some popular songs of the late nineties and even some Chuck Berry. It was captivating, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t realize that “normal” people could play guitar like that. I was hooked. That day jump started the next 10 years of my guitar-playing journey, starting with the Metallica/Ozzy Osborne stuff and culminating in an obsession with blues guitar, especially the Stevie Ray Vaughan, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Jimi Hendrix, Albert King style. I even got into some John Mayer stuff later on. I was obsessed with guitar and, at the risk of tooting my own horn, really got quite good over the years. From age 17 to about 26, I played in power trio-style bands with my father, who drums, and a slew of bass players, one being Doug. Toward the latter part of that time period, I played in a 4-piece with my future brother-in-law and a couple friends. We played all sorts of stuff: blues, country, R&B, rock, etc. I knew the bar scene very well. Then I met Jesus, and the process of falling out of love with the guitar started. I’m 34 at the time of this writing, and I’ve realized something. It’s crazy to admit this, because I’ve been obsessed with guitar the better part of my life. Here it is: I don’t like playing guitar anymore. I couldn’t care less about casually playing guitar. BUT I LOVE TO WORSHIP. I can worship without playing a guitar. And I love it. I can worship while playing a guitar. And I love it. My service to Jesus’ church and his people includes playing guitar to, God-willing, contribute something positive to corporate worship times, yes. But my joy does not terminate on guitar playing anymore; it really doesn’t. In fact, my joy doesn’t even come from playing guitar anymore. Really, when I try to revisit the old days of jamming, improvising or trying to impress with my technical playing skills, guitar playing can frustrate me at times. I can’t improvise like I used to. I can’t play as well as I used to. My overall skill level is simply not where it used to be. And, when I try to be the old me, it frustrates me. But when my focus is intensely centered on Christ, I don’t much care anymore to play a guitar solo, improvise for 3 minutes or even “jam.” I just want to worship the risen Christ. And playing guitar is just one of the MANY ways I get to do that. Jesus has blessed me with a level of talent that allows me to craft and understand tones, copy what the folks on these records are playing and sometimes write my own guitar parts that make sense. He’s limited my talent to that. I feel like he even took some of my talent away; which reminds me, in some way, of Job 1:21. He also constantly reminds me that I am not needed for his people to worship him in spirit and in truth. He and he alone motivates their worship Since the High Surgeon of Heaven cut those pieces out of the fabric of my soul— namely, much of my skill and the “I’m needed for this” attitude—my desire to self-glorify has been vastly decreased. And it was, ultimately, all to his glory, because it made me “turn my eyes upon Jesus.” In summary, I really don’t like playing guitar anymore. I don’t like spending time improvising, or even experimenting with brand new sounds. I don’t like practicing to improve my technical proficiency. I like practicing to play worship songs more effectively, so I can freely worship our Lord and witness, in the moment, what he’s doing in our church, rather than focusing so hard on my playing and self-ascribed awesomeness. When it’s all said and done, I’d rather worship. The Lord took my love for guitar and squashed it. He took some of my skills away. But he gave me something infinitely more valuable: a desire to commune with him above all else. So give me a God-exalting song to sing over a Troy-exalting guitar solo to play. My transformed heart beats for those moments.
Thanks Troy, needed this. I was frustrated this morning over a substitute worship leader not getting a set list out on a short week. All I could think of was I wouldn’t have enough time with regular work to craft all the solo’s, get all the color work arranged to make the service sound good and blend with the rest of the band. In short, I had made it about me. As the saying goes… “recalculating…” Thanks for helping me to refocus.
-jay
Jay, glad this post was helpful in someway, brother. This is a tough thing to battle. Even our own brothers-in-Christ will fight us on this at times. Touchy topic.
Troy, This hit the spot…I am just leaving our church looking and seeking God’s plan for us…the question my wife asked me was Would I be ok with just worshipping without playing trumpet or guitar…thought about that and said yes it’s all about the worship…thanks for letting Him speak through you…God bless
Frank, glad to know this encouraged you. As I mentioned to Jay above, this is a touchy topic. It’s tough to admit that we might love our guitars more than we love Jesus. Constant self-checking on this is definitely required. Prayer is a necessity!
Troy, thanks for writing this. I am in the middle of struggling with this same thing. Please be praying for me. I absolutely love playing guitar at church!! But lately I have been struggling with the question,”Am I worshiping God or the music?” Please be praying I can get my priorities back in order and have the courage to fall out of love with the guitar, and if need be, step down from playing if that is His will for me.
Amen, Eric. Truly, I think we all struggle with this to one degree or another. The key is prayer and submission. Also, taking breaks from serving is healthy, as it allows you to check on your heart a bit. Get back to basics and worship your Creator without an instrument. I think you’ll find it refreshing.